


I Know We’re Fucked Up

by thelotusflower



Category: South Park
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Drug Use, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, I think it’s mild idk let me know, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mild Smut, Once again didn’t intend on writing smut for them but here we are, Recreational Drug Use, References to Depression, Slice of Life, This is .... sad, like idk what the plot is, this ... story is just like... all over the place tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:41:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29627193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelotusflower/pseuds/thelotusflower
Summary: In the seventh grade, Stan noticed that Kenny never brought a lunch or money to buy one. He used to get them for free, back in grade school, due to low-income household. Stan wasn’t sure why he didn’t get them for free anymore. He didn’t want to ask. He and Kenny did not talk much about these kinds of things. Kenny made jokes, here and there, about his family, but he never dived deep into it. In fact, he never even heard him complain.In the eighth grade that Stan began to pack a lunch for Kenny as well. His father made enough off the weed business. They could spare.
Relationships: Stan Marsh/Kenny McCormick
Comments: 12
Kudos: 26





	I Know We’re Fucked Up

**Author's Note:**

> TW: drug use, implied child neglect, implied acholism, drug abuse, depression
> 
> Hi, IDK what this is... It honestly ?? has heavy undertones so like don’t read if you don’t want to deal with those emotions.
> 
> I honestly am like... emotionally... gone right now as I post this and feel as though I blacked out whole writing this. So. I don’t know. I did not proof read so I’m sure it’s awful. Maybe I will go back in the morning and fix ~~~

In the seventh grade, Stan noticed that Kenny never brought a lunch or money to buy one. He used to get them for free, back in grade school, due to his low-income household. Stan wasn’t sure why he didn’t get them for free anymore. He didn’t want to ask. He and Kenny did not talk much about these kinds of things. Kenny made jokes, here and there about his family, but he never dived deep into it. In fact, he never even heard him _complain._

In the eighth grade, Stan began to pack a lunch for Kenny as well. His father made enough off the weed business. They could spare.

Kenny, at first, seemed confused by the gesture. Cartman laughed at him and said it was charity. Kenny declined the lunch after that joke was made.

It took a few weeks, but Stan came up with a system. He would give Kenny the lunch he made before school started.

It became a quiet exchange — no words being said alongside the brown paper bag full of ham sandwiches and salty chips. They didn’t talk about it. Instead, Kenny would just say thanks, and the conversation would move on as if nothing occurred.

Stan the began to notice that half of the lunch would be missing by the time of lunch. He didn’t question him at first. He assumed that he maybe ate it during class.

He was wrong.

It wasn’t until sophomore year, when Kenny would disappear during lunch, that he finally discovered where the other half of the lunch was going — Karen. During their lunch period, Kenny would cut across town, and deliver half of the lunch to his little sister at South Park middle school.

After Kenny told him that, he began to pack _two_ extra lunches.

The look Kenny gave him once he did this was unlike all the others. He had always appeared to be grateful. They didn’t talk about it — not _really_ — but Stan always knew he was grateful. However, this _look_ — it meant more. It consumed him, and made something bubble in his chest. No one had ever looked at him that way. The image glued in his mind and left him thinking about for days after.

They still didn’t talk about it though.

The routine just continued, only with two lunches instead of one. Stan wondered, still, how they were not receiving the lunch vouchers. Even though he would never admit to it, Cartman used them. His mother did not make enough, and the school provided. Kenny’s family made far less. He should had been receiving them.

He hadn’t seen the look again, but he continued to think about it. He continued to envision it — the rising of his eyebrows and the light in his amber eyes — the sparkle that appeared. It was a sparkle he hadn’t seen before, and one he had not seen since.

He wished to see it again.

It was a day where Kyle was busy with AP Homework, and Stan was in desperate need to get out of his house. He had his learning permit, and often drove his drunk and high father around — had been doing so since he was twelve. The only reason he didn’t have his license yet was because he had failed parking during the test. It wasn’t his first time taking his father’s car without permission, but it was the first time he drove it with the intent on seeing Kenny.

  
He wasn’t sure what he was doing. He didn’t text him until he was outside his house. Kenny had off today though, and he was always more than eager to get out of his house. A second after Stan sent the text, Kenny came trodding outside.

He had ditched the orange parka a couple years prior. Kenny was one of the first boys to reach his growth spurt, but was also one of the first to _stop_ growing. He was pretty short, therefore able to wear the parka longer than most would be able to. When Stan saw Karen last, he saw _she_ had inherited the used parka.

Kenny opened the passenger door and hopped inside, flashing Stan a bright and wide grin. “Sup’ Dude.”

Kenny was easily one of the most attractive boys in their grade with his tan skin and long blonde eyelashes. His hair was golden and wavy, coming down to his mid-neck and flipping outwards. On his head today sat a snapback, turned around and ratty. He probably stole it from his dad.

“Not much.”

“What brings ya to my neck of er there woods?”

Stan shrugged. “Boredom.”

“Then, boy, do I got something for you,” Kenny said, pulling something from his pocket. When he set his palm out, Stan’s eyes clicked down at some pills.

He wasn’t sure what to think of it. Last time Kenny pulled out some pills, it was Xanax. All he had felt was fatigue. He wondered if it was Adderall or something. Kyle took it for his classes, but Kenny claimed if you took enough, you could get a really good high.

“What is that?”

“Molly.”

“Isn’t that like a party drug?”

Kenny shrugged. “Suppose so. I stole em’ from my parents, and they seem to be having a dandy ole’ time on em’.”

Stan felt pretty low. That’s what boredom usually led to — the lows; the void of nothingness that he somehow always stumbled into for no reason at all. “It’s a Wednesday night.”

“Who cares? Wednesday is the most fun day in my book.”

Stan shrugged. “I guess. Where should we go?”

“Anywhere — whatever. I guess, we could go to like, Stark’s pond or something.”

  
“Sure.”

Then, Stan drove. He wasn’t sure what to expect from Molly. It had to be better than what he was feeling now, and if he was honest, he would maybe do whatever drug Kenny pulled out of his pocket. He wasn’t sure why, but he wanted to please him. He wanted to spend time with him. He wanted to seem cool to him.

When they got to Stark’s Pond, they continued to sit in Randy’s pick-up truck. Kenny took the pill first, and then Stan. They looked at each other with a look of understanding — an almost smile resting at each of their lips. However, that sparkle in Kenny’s eye was still missing.

Maybe that’s why Stan was doing this — maybe he wanted to see that sparkle.

“Have you taken this before?”

“Nope, but I watched my parents — basically the same thing, some may say.”

“I would disagree.”

“You’re not some, then, I suppose.”

Stan lifted one corner of his lips into a somewhat smile. He wondered sometimes if he should be hanging with the goth kids, with how little he seemed to smile these days, but then Kenny said something funny. And he knew where he belonged.

He looked over to him, resting his head against the cushion behind him. Kenny stared back, lips red and eyes wide.

“How long this take to kick in?”

“Fifteen minutes, or so.”

“Cool.”

Within fifteen minutes, it kicked in. Stan felt better. He felt whole. He felt like the void inside him was temporality fixed. Maybe not even fixed, but maybe it just unimportant. Nothing mattered beside this feeling of pure bliss — this envelope of radiance that consumed him. He wanted to exist in it forever.

The music that played was better than before, however it was the same music he always listened to. Everything was better. Suddenly, the world did not appear as shit, but instead, a vastness coat of sugar and glow.

When he looked over to Kenny, he _actually_ appeared to glow. He was luminous and that sparkle in his eyes returned. He could stare at it all day. He had been thinking so long about this sparkle; about this radiance of the boy beside him that he craved. He wanted to look forever. He wanted it to last.

“You look happy.”

“I’m pretty fucking happy,” Kenny giggled, curling over with his hands on his kneecaps. Stan’s eyes trailed over his shoulder— his scrawny shoulders and back, in his new jacket that probably belonged to Kevin and his ratty SnapBack, blonde hair poking out of it.

His laugh was one of those laughs that was barely heard. More breathing than laughing, more sucking in air than anything. It was nice though. It was calming. Everything about him was calming and pleasant.

Stan began to laugh too.

It became an endless cycle of laughter between them until it finally stopped; instead turning into the bursting out of song lyrics that played over the stereo.  
  


When Stan’s mother called, he ignored it.

When the sky began to darken, neither of them seemed to mind or care. Although, it brought on a new energy than before. The dark brought something out in him — brought out thoughts that were meant to stay hidden.

  
When he looked at Kenny, he was already looking back. He wore a crooked smile and eyes that were anything but those belonging to someone that was sober. They had that sparkle though — still — that beautiful, radiating sparkle that Stan thought about constantly.

Kenny.

He was — he was something. His jaw line was sharp, but his skin was soft. His cheeks were high and hollow. He was dangerous. He always knew he was. He was too alluring. He was too attractive. He brought something out in him that he couldn’t ignore much longer.

“You have really pretty eyes,” Stan admitted.

Kenny’s lips curled out farther grin — perfection growing wider. He bit his lip, and leaned closer. “Let me see yours more closely…”

Stan’s stomach dropped as he leaned in, opening his eyes wide so Kenny could see. It was stupid. They were in the dark and they could barely make out any of the actual details of each other’s irises. And yet, Kennys said, “I reckon, yours are just as pretty.”

Stan’s mouth fell dry. Kenny didn’t move away. Neither did Stan. Instead they sat inches apart, eyes flickering against one another’s until Kenny’s eyes moved down. Stan’s eyes followed, landing on the other’s lips. His thin, long and wide lips that called his name.

Before he knew it, before he could even think, their lips were attached. He wasn’t sure who made the first move — the final leap, but they were there. He was on fire and his stomach was tumbling. He grabbed onto the other’s arm, and tugged on him to come closer. Kenny obliged, moving forward and tilting his head for better access.

Their lips grazed against each other; pushing and pulling, the tease of Kenny’s tongue sliding across his bottom lip. A pit formed in his stomach. He wanted him more than he wanted anyone before.

He darted his tongue inside the other’s mouth; met with encouragement of the other’s tongue and open mouth. The kiss deepened and the pit in his stomach grew tighter; the knots pulling and tearing within him.

It felt so _fucking_ good. Like heaven, like goddam fucking Nirvana inside one of his best friend’s mouths. He wanted to feel this forever, wanted to never stop — wanted to capture this and make it into a pill he could take every morning.

As their kiss deepened, blood continued to run down to his cock. In matter of time, he was hard as rock, and aching to feel if Kenny was the same. He rolled his hips in his own seat, debating to touch himself — debating to rest his hand on the other’s thigh, and see how he would react.

  
Stan didn’t have to make the choice though. Instead, his friend pulled apart and said, “you know, I hear when you come on molly, it’s one of the most damn near best feelings in the world.”

“Fuck. God, Kenny. I’m so hard.”

“So am I,” Kenny said. “Touch me.”

Stan probably would have been embarrassed at how quickly he moved if it weren’t for his high and horniness. Feeling Kenny, even underneath the fabric of his jeans, sent an aching through his cock. The feeling of his bulge — a bulge for him. God, it was … It was fucking phenomenal.

It only got better when Kenny placed his hand over his own bulge, palming it and stroking through the stupidly thick fabric of his sweatpants.

“Can I?”

“Fuck, yes.”

Then, Kenny slipped his hand inside and jerked him off. He rested his head back, watching the blonde. He let out a sigh of pleasure. He wasn’t sure how long he could last, feeling this good. “Fuck, holy fuck.”

Kenny wore jeans, so it was a little harder to get into his pants. Kenny assisted him, moving his butt up so he could jerk the pants downward and get ahold of his dick. Once he had the other’s cock in hand, he began to jerk him off at the same pace Kenny set.

They locked eyes — the sparkle still present within the blonde’s irises. Stan could probably continue to stare — could probably stare all day, but Kenny cut the distance between them and met his mouth for a sloppy and wet kiss.

Stan moaned into his mouth, and Kenny gasped. The pace accelerated. Stan was not sure who made the switch but it had him panting; leaving Kenny’s mouth on his neck and collarbone. He knew he was not set to last much longer, and was right, when a few seconds later, he was coming all over his best friend’s hand.

He tried to continue to jerk Kenny off, but he was too disoriented — too sucked up in bliss. He could vaguely feel Kenny grip his hand around his own — still on his cock — jerking himself off until come was all over his hand.

It was the damn near best feeling in the world, alright. In fact, probably, one of the best. The _best_ feeling. He was sure.

  
He was sure.

He looked over to Kenny and the male’s eyes were closed, a small gasp escaping his lips. He looked even more ethereal than before — glowed even more intensely. Stan wondered how this glow didn’t blind him.

When Kenny finally opened his eyes, the sparkle was still there.

Stan wondered if it would go out by the end of the night. It probably would. But he could hope that it would stay at least. He could continue to enjoy it while it lasted.

**Author's Note:**

> hi, so... yeah. idk. I’m like... not a person rn. SO! Sorry for whatever this was. I’m not there !!!! :) I was originally gonna have Kenny overdose tho and die (but ya know come back to life the next day and stan actually rememebrs and it’s like all fucked and shit, but I decided to not depress myself that bad atm. maybe there will be a sequal. probably not.)


End file.
